Lonely?

As of today, my three favourite hobbies have been singing, writing, and talking to myself. Kind of weird thngs to do, I know. But what is a talkative person like me to do when the people she chats with the most (her mother and sister) are gone and she is left with the dog and the dad?

Its really not that bad actually because I kind of like to be alone, well, sometimes. Actually I'm not really alone but I do feel kind of lonely from time to time. Wow, that really didn't make sense did it? I guess that what I am trying to say is that I enjoy having time to myself to just think, read, write, and talk (to myself, yes!), but I also would love to just hang out with friends. It seems like forever since I've done that!

Actually, in my mom's opinion I never do it..or not enough. Sometimes I feel like I am being considered anti-social...but really I am not. At least I don't think. Just maybe not the most social person in the world. I'm the kind of person that if they have a good book would rather stay at home and read it then get together with a friend...unless of course that friend were to phone and say "Hey, lets do something." Do I just feel like being wanted?

Yes, perhaps that is it. Almost all of my life, nearly every day until two years ago, a knock would sound at the door and a girl would be there asking if "Elizabeth could come out and play." I would go to her house and ask her the same just as often. We had a lot of fun although we also argued often. But then that girl moved away.

But I'm not really lonely....I do have half my family at home, people I can phone, and...people I can write about (strange to you probably, but to me most enjoyable.) And I won't be a homebody very long--I'll be at an art class next week and then I'm going to visit my best friend accross the sea (island.) So there really is a lot to look forward to besides songs, books, and computer screens.

Note: Yes, I know I can also be quite shy at times. But if you know me well then you know how I can talk!

I climbed out

So after 3 or 4 days of moping around and feeling sorry for myself I finally came to a conclusion.

I can't exactly remember how it happened...it was a mixture of braces, a piano lesson, seminars, and a song. All of the sudden I became myself again. Maybe even better than I've been before!

My last post sounded like the audition had discouraged me but really its given me more deterimination for next time. This isn't the kind of determination to prove that I can do it or that I'll do it right next time. Its that there will be a next time and a time after that.

I still think I should make sure I'm doing what God wants me to do but I don't see any harm in making plans. However, these plans are very differant than what I had before. Its kind of hard to explain. Instead of making sure my life goes just the way the list in my mind says, I'm going to take it one step at a time and not worry about the future so much.

Thats not to say I won't hope or dream. I'll still make goals too. I think goals are a healthy thing because they motivate us to accomplish something. Plus, life would be boring without anything to dream about. I'm going to work towards my goals and dreams too by practicing and organizing. There is no use just sitting around and waiting for my "dream day" if I won't be ready when it comes.

So that is what I've decided. Don't ask me how those random things I mentioned at the beginning come into this decision. They really do but its hard to understand exactly how.

The Depths Of Despair

Have you ever been there before?

I sure have..in fact I'm there right now.

My life is practically a graveyard of broken hopes.

Sorry I just felt like being Anne of Green Gables/poetic. Now, down to the cause of my problems.

Yesterday I auditioned for Joseph And The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat and I failed so badly. Well, I didn't exactly get a flat out "no" or anything but judging from how I feel I did I know its a closed case for me.

Okay, so I flunked an audition. Its not THAT bad. I tried the best I could under the circumstances. However, now, despite everything I have said and thought in the past, I am feeling like such a loser. I don't feel like trying again...ever.

I know, I know I shouldn't base a decision to stop performing on one little audition. I know I shouldn't judge myself so harshly. But somehow I can't think about ever doing it again. I even considered quiting theatre altogether but decided against it.

I'm such a hypocrite...I wrote a whole speech about auditions in Februrary and said 'Just because you don't get in it doesn't mean you aren't talented.' I know that advice is true its just that I don't feel like giving it to myself right now.

Most of all, something keeps coming back to me...maybe I shouldn't be fussing with all this musical theatre stuff anyway. I mean perhaps I'm just not meant to be an actress. We all have to have a few unfullfilled dreams in our lives and maybe this is just one of those. Maybe its time I stopped before I hurt myself even more. I'm thinking that this may be God's way of telling me that he doesn't want me doing this kind of thing.

The only problem is...I'm having a majorly hard time accepting it. I still love theatre and never want to stop.

Amanda - I'm sorry if I seemed rude when I saw you at the audition...that was the last way I wanted to come accross as.

Back to normal at last

So...after a week of moping about things finally started to get normal again. Now, I'm only suffering from boredom and the occasional sadness when I think of how much fun I had and that I'll never have that specific experience again..but then I must remember there will be others and they can only be better.

The rewards of being in this show are still arriving. SO many people who came to the show have told me how much they enjoyed it, how surprised they were with me, and how proffesional and entertaining the play was!! Someone even said "I forgot it was just kids acting." That makes me realize what a privelage it has been (and is) to be part of this group. I've been so unapreciative in the past and often I wish for more...but really this is better than I could ever have wanted and I am so proud to be part of this theatre group even though it won't make me "famous."

Although I recieved an "A" in Drama I am now hurrying to finish up social studies which I neglected quite a bit right before and during the show. The rest of the time all I do is watch Little House On The Prairie (about 6 episodes a day - a waste of time I know - but it still entertains me even though I've seen every episode at least twice), write my stories of course, and count the days until my birthday. Kind of silly too but it was just yesterday that I realized its exactly 3 months till my birthday - Wahoo!

Thats all for now.

PS - You will also notice that I changed the name of my blog. Why? because I think "Elizabeth" is more fitting as most people actually don't call me Lizzie.

Life Is So Unnerving For An Actor Who Is Not Acting

He's not whole without a soul to entertain.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!! Beauty And The Beast is over and I am so sad. Nothing makes sense. Nothing is fun. My life is over. Ok, not really. Thats a bit dramatic but hey, I'm an actor. I am feeling really down though.

I just put so much work into this. I had so much fun too. And now it is done. How depressing. How disheartening. How terrible. Plus, I love the stage. I've been doing theatre for a while now but it was only just a year ago that I learned how much I loved it. And this was a total new and exciting experience. When I got up there as Cogsy I was so nervous. But soon it all disapeared and I had so much fun. By the end of my first show I felt like the audience were all my best friends.

As for the hard work thing it has been quite challanging but sooo worth it!!! Developing my character was tough but it will make me miss Cogsworth more. Its a part of my life. I feel torn a part. I feel like I'm being forced to move on and I have to leave my best friend behind. Wow, I'm dramatic.

I can't practice anymore. I can't sing the songs. I can't act. I feel like there is nothing left. Of course what my mom said is true "You can still practice your lines around the house." Or what one of the other theatre parents said when I was dissapointed that my favourite line was finished "You can still say it for your family every day." Yes I can still do those things but it won't be the same. It won't carry the magic. It won't carry the fun. I'm not going to be Cogsworth again. Never ever again.

Last but not least I am going to miss everyone terribly. Its funny, I only just realized this Saturday night when I got home how much I enjoyed getting to know everyone this year. I'm going to miss all 76 of the people I worked with. Even though I don't hang around with everyone in theatre I still love them all. I'm going to miss them so much. Of course I'm coming back but its four months till theatre starts, one year till the next show, and some people aren't even coming back!!! I also can't believe how I was looking forward to the show ending just this past Wednesday. I even considered quiting. But of course, that was after a very stressfull dress rehearsal.

In all this I often wish two things...one that life could always be the same and the other is that I hadn't worked hard or had fun. But then life would be rather dull. I wouldn't enjoy it half as much. Moving on is all part of it. I just need to remember that this is just a new chapter in my life. A new adventure. A new experience.

Build higher walls around me/Change every locke and key/nothing lasts nothing holds...does that really apply?

Oh and by the way, I am a cry baby. I've already cried multiple times on both Saturday and Sunday and will probably crash again today.

Faminized

Ok, I do know that "Faminized" is not a real word. But if it was a word it would be a word that seems to describe me.

Yesterday I took part in my youth group's 30 Hour Famine. Well, it started at 12:01 midnight on Friday and ended today at 8:00. It had the strangest effect on me.

When I woke up on Friday I was really hungry. Probably because I hadn't eaten for 12 hours. Then at theatre I continued to be hungry until break and then I was fine. During the time at the church/school I went on and off being hungry and not hungry. It was weird, sometimes I would feel like I'd been eating all day.

At the Famine we also learned about real world hunger. We even played some games. One of them, which we played at night in the woods, we were supposed to be africans who were starving and we were trying to get food from World Vision. In the game, we collected bread. Of course we didn't eat it though! But we had to be careful because there were rebel soldiers trying to kill us. Really, we did have to be careful because if we got the light flashed on us we were dead (or out and had to start again)

The rest of the famine was really fun too, besides getting super hungry. I drank 10 cups of juice yesterday, which is like 8 or 9 times the amount I normally have in a day. I went to bed at 5:00 in the morning which was not a good choice because breakfast was at 8:00.

When I did wake up around 8:00 and came down for breakfast, I didn't feel hungry, even though I hadn't eaten for 30 plus hours and I'd been looking forward to breakfast the whole Famine. I did eat but I didn't really feel any better. I went home, got into bed and then I cried. I don't know why. Then I slept for like 4 hours.

Still, I am not hungry. Wait no, I wouldn't say that exactly. In my stomach I am hungry but the rest of me doesn't feel like eating. I don't know what happened. Maybe I'm just over exhausted. Perhaps I've lost my sanity from not eating or sleeping....


2 more things
- Physical movement becomes exhausting much earlier when you haven't eaten all day.
- Last night I watched The Prestige and it made me want to cry which I don't do that often in movies, especially ones like that. I don't know I just thought it was so sad in some parts. In the end it was ok though. Hmm...maybe lack of food.

Super Crazy EXCITING News!!

April Fools!!

(Sorry, that was the only Fool I could think of!)

This year I was planning a super big april fools on my family (well actually I was last year too but then I forgot what day it was!). I was going to hide a bunch of stuff. Actually the only thing I could think of was the cutlary. But then I decided not to because I'd have to put it all away afterwards and I hate putting cutlary away!

The only trick I did play was on my sister. I told her that we had sold enough tickets for the Thursday night show of Beauty And The Beast! She didn't believe me though :(.

One of the biggest April Fools Day tricks I remember was at theatre five or six years ago. Keanu brought toothpaste filled oreo cookies to share. I didn't have any but a lot of others did and they got super mad at him! In fact, some of them started chasing him around and throwing water at him! Then he gave one to Rochelle! Not a good move. I happened to be inside putting my snack away so I heard her giving Keanu a lecture. She was NOT happy!

So, Amanda you'd better watch out on Friday! (Don't take cookies from any boys or ANYONE for that matter!)

PS Why the pic of the bunny? April fools day makes me think of bunnies for some weird reason!

Journal Magic

Wow, aren't journals amazing? Ok, maybe they are just a book with blank pages in it. Pherhaps they are a little 'old fashioned.' And yes, I have to agree that they do not compare to a laptop computer but I'm so glad for journals.

Yesterday, I was reading one of my old journals and it was so cool. No, I'm not an amazing writer or anything, and my journal would probably be quite boring to anyone else but reading it made me feel like I was there. I could see everything the way it was, well almost. It made me remember almost exactly how I felt. Even though the entries aren't always very descriptive, somehow it helps me to remember things almost exactly. It was sort of like I was living in that moment again.

Its also nice because a lot of that stuff I would of forgotten if I hadn't written it down. It actually surprised me how much I had forgotten from only just a few months or a year ago. A few things in particular I really forgot and I think they are so important.

Journal writing also helps me when I am sad or mad about something. Some times I cannot tell someone how I feel by talking, other times I don't think they would understand or care. It helps me to control my anger too because I can tell my journal anything about someone and what they did that upset me. After writing it all down I usually feel better.

Plus, a journal is always there for a good laugh -- I can't believe some of the silly things I thought or did! I started my first journal when I was 9 (although I didn't really write on a regular basis until a few years ago). I recently found my first journal and laughed SO hard! I made everything REALLY dramatic. You would think I was going through some kind of crisis or something, when really I think I was just mad because I didn't get the part I wanted in theatre!!!

Of course, I would hate it if anyone read my journals for all of these reasons why I love them!!!

Why Am I Who I Am?

Its a question I ask myself a lot...somtimes I wish I could be somebody else or just have differant personality and talents. I often wonder why God created me in the first place. I know thats silly, but I do. I'm just annoyed, hurt, and upset right now. Just one of those moments of wishing I was someone else.

Sometimes I just wish I was perfect...

Did everything right...

Knew everything I needed to know...

Didn't bump into things..

Always knew what to say...

Never lost my temper...

The fact is, I rarely do any of those things. I'm far from perfect, and whats worse, I constantly feel like other people are wishing I wasn't there or thinking I shouldn't be doing something because I'm not good enough.

I'm just upset right now I guess...last night at dance some so called friends started acting all snobby and mean. Today..well..thats a story I'm not going to share. Lets just say, I got REALLY upset but I couldn't cry because I wasn't at home so I started writing madly! Yeah that all sounds weird I know but its just how I'm feeling right now. I really don't know how to describe it...but I really just wish that for once when I decide to do my best at something that it actually shows.

12 year old speaks up against abortion

12 year old Lia from Toronto chose the controversial topic of abortion for her grade 7 class speech. I read that she was discouraged at first by her mom because of the topic, and of course several people had rude things to say to her, even teachers, judges and classmates.

I read that at first she was dissquilified but I believe that eventually she might of gone on to districts! I also read that it was a pro-choice teacher who encouraged her.

Even if you don't agree with her, I would recomend the movie because she is a wonderful little speaker who keeps you engaged throughout the whole thing. It also makes you think no matter what view you hold.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOR1wUqvJ54

I did it (or did I?)

So..we had 4-H speech night yesterday and I got second place out of the seniors!! Yeah!! Now on to districts!! Wow, I really did not think I would do so well.

From looking at the comments and talking to the judges, I learned that there are still a few things that I need to improve on my speech. For one thing, I need to look up more. Wow, I must of been REALLY nervous because when I practiced I looked up A LOT! I also could slow it down a bit.

I also need to practice impromptu speaking which really sucked for me. The club topic was "What Would You Do If You Won The Lottery?" I had like no idea (although I'm thinking of great ideas now lol) My intro was great but then I was just like "I don't know. That is the end of the speech" My dad said it was the only time he'd ever seen me short of words to say!

Since my speech was about auditions, the judge suggested I pretend that my impromptu was an audition. Haha, she also said I could finish my speech singing a song..lol...maybe not

I need to remember though with every success in life to be humble and not look down on others. I have found humility to be a very good thing to have. Not only is pride something God hates, but it also DOES hurt us. I know that very well! Not saying I will never be concieted again..just saying that I'm trying not to be.

Gotta run!

Random Stuff

So today I was just looking at my blog and I noticed that I actually had forgotten to name yesterdays post! Wow! Anyway, I named it so you don't have to see the first sentance of my post on the archive.

I'm super happy because yesterday I found out that I got into this really fun Shakespeare program that Bard On The Beach does every year for kids and youth ages 8 - 18 called Young Shakespearians. I did it last August and had so much fun I decided to do it again! You study a play along with 15 others and do a short performance at the end of two weeks! This time I'm doing A Midsummer Night's Dream.

Last year I did Julius Caesar which although it wasn't my first choice turned out to be better than I dreamed! The instructors were awesome too! And I learned so much..not just about Shakespare but also about acting. Actually, I went into it thinking I wouldn't learn anything important about acting, I though that acting was easy and knew everything I needed to know. WELL I learned so much about acting!!! I've become a WAY better actor since my experience there and alot of the skills I learned I don't know what I'd do without them!

I'm recovering from my cold. I stayed home from skiing again to do school (well sort of..) and also to practice my speech which is tonight!!! I'm still not 100 % though and I do want to get fully better asap.

My cousin, well actually my 3rd cousin or something who is a Warrant officer told me he was visiting Jordan with a friend. He got to ride a camel and see some really cool sites! It sounded amazing! He also got stuck in a sandstorm where he couldn't see more than 10 feet in front of them! That did sound amazing but not in an awesome way lol.

Well thats all I can think of to say at the moment!

Fare the well!!

Sore Throats, Head Colds and Speeches

Today I'm home sick with a sore throat and a head cold....=(...not fun at all. My throat is getting a bit better but I still have to rest it because I have speech night tomorrow. I hate resting my voice! Its so hard for me not to talk. Plus I can't practice my speech as much.

Last night I had a horrible sleep. I woke up at like midnight because I had to go to the washroom. I was also overheated. I didn't want to get up though because I was so tired. Then I heard my dog bark and run downstairs. I also heard a car pull in to the drive way accross the street. Then I heard someone, who I guessed was my mom, run down stairs. I thought she must be checking on what Mac was barking at. When she didn't come up for like ten minutes I got this crazy idea that a bunch of guys had come to kill us all in our sleep! (yes I have a wild imagination and always have).

I was super scared then. I kept thinking about how I would try and defend myself (I know I'm weird..lol) Anyway, I was still really scared when I heard my mom come up. After a few moments I ran outside my room, only to find that no unwanted visitors had come. I went to the washroom, had some water and went back to bed.

I also woke up at four thirty because of a bad dream which I won't go into detail about. Uhhh I hate being sick, and waking up in the middle of the night.

Thankfully, I started and finished my 4-H speech yestereday afternoon. Yes, I continued to procrastinate (even though I said I~ wasn't going to) all Sunday night and Monday morning. Well I did work a bit on my old speech but then I decided I needed a new topic. So finally I chose a topic I was happy with and wrote the speech. My topic is auditions (even though I've only done one "real" audition before). It turned out really good I think and I liked it because I didn't have to do any research because I've already done a lot and I have personal experience too.

Well I'd better go!

Bye!!!

Don't Run Away

Right now that title is some advice I should take seriously. Lately my hobby has been running away from problems or things I don't want to deal with ( not usually literly though that did happen once).

For instance, right now my form of "running away" is Procrastination. I am blogging at the moment (obviously) although I really should be writing my 4-H speech. Yes, its on Wednesdy and I haven't even written half of it.

When there is a problem I don't feel like dealing with I always push it aside. If there is something that is bothering me I deny it. It really doesn't help though. Running away never helps actually. Nor does it pay.

Sometimes I "go to the bathroom" when there is something I don't want to do (aka math, clean up, human again) But I still have to do those things..sometime..

I can't say I will stop running away completley but I am trying to stop. I'd better start or else I won't have a speech to say on Wednesday!

Now back to my labourous speech....

Just my boring life again..

So I am now fully back to schoolwork, my break is over. In Socials I am learning about the modern ages (well the modern ages of the 1500s) and in English I am reading Sherlock Holmes (which I am actually enjoying).

I am also racking my brain for a speech topic for 4-H. Speech night is on Wednesday and I have to pretty much know the whole speech from memory. I've never even written a speech before and the others I am going up against have alot of experience. I might as well be burnt toast compared to them =(.

Oh I got my piano exam results!! First class honours! Wow, I didn't think I'd do so well. I was really convinced I had failed!!

Yesterday I went skiing which was pretty fun. I got really scared though at this one point when it got so foggy I couldn't see anything but white!! I wasn't sure where I was. Thankfully it didn't last long.

Today I have dance...uhhh. not really looking forward to it. btw I am quiting all dance next year because I suck. Well to say that would be to put it mildly. I really, really, really can't dance. I'm not going to improve either. I'm convinced of that.

At first I was worried that if I quit now I'll regret it later...I did quit ballet a couple years ago to pursue horse back riding (which failed for other reasons which I don't discuss) and I sort of regretted it this year and thats why I started again I guess. But now I've decided I'd rather just improve something I'm actually good at. Something that I can actually use in life. (btw I know what that something is but I am not writing it here because I KNOW you'll laugh).

You know what I am really sick of right now? When people tell me I am blocking traffic!! Its happened twice lately and I wasn't even in the way! Uhhh..I don't know why I just wrote that...but its true!!

Ok g2g do some more school!

Fare the well!!

All Is Well

So my Grandpa is at home and back to normal! I'm so thankful. They found out that he had blood clots in his urine that almost caused a heart attack or a stroke!!! The reason was that there had been a medicine switch so he had actually been taking 30 miligrams instead of 6!! So the medicine almost killed him!

After that episode I've really been thinking about my relationship with him and my other Grandpa. I love both of them but I'm not really close to either of them. Maybe its because you can't really have a conversation with my Grandpa (who was just in the hospital) without it turning into politics and my other Grandpa lives on the Island, he has trouble hearing and he is quiet. In any event though I am going to try to make it a point to phone them more often.

Life is going pretty good besides that. I've started English and Socials. English is SO easy though! I wouldn't be surprised if I was finished by next Thursday!! Last night was the first 4-H meeting and I actually got elected as the News reporter which was the part I wanted! I was actually quite surprised that I got nominated let alone elected since it is my first year!

Ok...got to go!

Prayer Please!

My Grandpa has gone into the hospital this evening. I know it is something about his urine but I am not sure how threatening it is. I do know that the test did not look very good. I would appreciate prayer very much for his health but most of all for his salvation. He is not a christian..as far as my family and I understand.

Please also prayer for my Grandma (they aren't in the same family btw) who has been in the hospital since last Tuesday. She is diebetic and has Kidney problems. She is actually doing much better and the problems that she had this time were not severe but she still needs prayer.

Thanks!

Bored..so very bored..

Ever since last Monday when I finished Math and Science I have been SO BORED!! There is seriously nothing to do until I get my English and Socials Books. ( I'm on semester.) So I guess maybe that is why I've been blogging so much lately.

I've never really had this happen before. Like even if its Christmas Holiday, Spring Break or the Summer there is always something I COULD or SHOULD do. Even if I don't do it and just procrastinate the whole holiday I don't have that feeling that I don't have anything to do. So this is like the first time I can actually remember really having NOTHING to do!

I guess I really shouldn't be complaining since I would actually prefer being "underloaded" then overloaded with school. The annoying thing is that all my friends are busy doing schoolwork!! Its kind of funny though since its usually the other way around.

I suppose I could start on Info Tech but I really don't feel like that. In fact, I don't even know what I feel like doing. I actually want to write something. Something really, really good. Like a novel or at least a good start to one but nothing is working. Well, I sort of got a good lead last night but I don't feel like trying to write and being discouraged.

I am entering two writing contests...
The Royal Commenwealth Essay Contest http://www.rcsint.org/essay/
& The Young Writers Club's Postcard Story Contest http://youngwritersclub.homestead.com/Postcard_story_contest.html

I believe that both are open to youth up to age 18 so please check them out if you are interested!! (The Commenwealth Contest gives some nice prizes too :) that is not why I'm entering though! )

I guess that is all for now! Probably the most boring post I've ever written but I just can't think of anything interesting to say when I'm bored!!!

Ta-Ta!!

I am Not A Normal Person...

You've probably realized that by now...

Basically, I'm strange.

Who writes about weird things? I do!!

But thats just part of it....I try not to be shy, but then I'm too outspoken. I try not to get too excited about things but I just can't..they are too exciting!! I try and eat my mashed potatos like a normal person but I have to mash them with my fork first or else they just don't taste right!!

Instead of watching shows that are airing right now in the 2000s I watch DVDs of The Waltons and Little House On The Prairie. In fact, I've seen every episode of Little House On The Prairie, most of them at least five times!!

I have braces but not because my teeth need straightening. I need them for some other hard to explain reason. I have a great memory for things like people, places, and exciting things like that but when it comes to remembering how to do Algebra or what "velocity" means I'm stuck.

I'm writing six novels at one time because I always get new ideas for things and if I don't write them down the minute I think of them I forget it or loose the urge. I drink tea every morning. Budgies hate me. I still use my imagination. I annoy people. I miss people. I miss animals. I miss everything. I am sentimental.

If I miss writing down a really important thing down in my diary then I just write the date it happened, even if it means writing down ten seperate entries about everything I did at the end of the summer.

So yeah...get the picture? I am really weird. Thank you for your friendship, I really appreciate that you like me even though I am so strange. I hope you will continue to like me after hearing all this...

oh wow...that was a VERY weird post!!

Loving Life As It Is

So lately I've been playing a little game with myself. Often without knowing it and always without wanting to. The fact is though, that recently, my favorite game has been the Comparasim Game.

I just realized this yesterday but I've been doing it for a while. Its hard to explain exactly. Well, I haven't really been content with life lately. I'm always thinking about last year and everything I did that was fun then. I haven't been realizing how great this year really is.

I haven't really been happy with theatre this year either, even though I got the part I wanted. Without meaning to, or wanting to, I've been comparing this year to last year and I always come to the conclusion that last year was better.

I've also been comparing myself to others a lot. I have always done this but lately its gotten a bit out of hand. I am double cast as Cogsworth and I've been comparing my performance as the part to the other Cogsworth's. Especially in the solo part in Human Again.

All this has gotten me really annoyed with life I guess. I haven't been all that happy. I always want something other than what I have. Yesterday, I realized my problem. And I also realized that I have to fix my problem (which I have started doing). I need to love 2009 for what it is. I need to stop thinking about all the faults and failures I think this year will have or already has had. And most importantly, I need to stop longing for things that have passed and focus on whats going on right now. I need to remember that life is actually fine how it is, actually its great how it is!

Plus, every situation and person is differant. I can't fault a person, a year or anything for being differant from something or someone else. In fact, I realized that I'm very glad that everything is differant in some way!

Last but not least, thank you to Amanda for helping me realize this!!

Homework Hassles and Painfull Piano

Ok...soo today I had my piano exam. It was horrible. Well, as far as I'm concerned it was. Its not so much that it was a bad experience. Actually it was a pretty good experience. I just played badly! On one of my songs, I forgot it half way through and I asked to see my book. He was like "Well you can but you will loose marks." Well, I knew that!! But I chose not to since I had already lost quite a few marks.

Oh and the homework hassles. Um well I THOUGHT I'd finished everything last monday. But today my math teacher phoned and said she still needed a few more assignments. Well it was just a matter of faxing the stuff but then we went through some math things on the phone and..um..well I broke out in tears. Yeah, great I know. lol. Well anyway, at least that is over!

Today I realized (again!) one of the problems I have. I hate admitting troubles I have to people such as teachers, parents and friends. Like if someone asks me if I'm alright I will always say "Yes I'm fine." even if I'm actually not. Today when I was crying (and trying to hide that) I just kept saying "Its ok. We can go on." My teacher was really nice though and let me cry :)

I'm not looking forward to tomorrow (full day of theatre). I have to stay later. sigh. at least I think this is the last extra practice for me (according to the schedule). I'm also NOT looking forward to doing "Human Again."

Its funny though. I used to LOVE extra practices. In fact, ever since I started theatre 7 years ago I've wanted to stay later. I thought it would be so much fun and I thought that if you stayed late you were "cool." Well, when I was in Fiddler I stayed for my first extra practice and it wasn't nearly as fun, or cool as I thought it would be!!

But maybe it will be fun. I don't know. I really shouldn't be complaining. Oh well, at least my piano exam is done and so is Semester 1. Now, on to Semester 2!! Yeah!! Ok, better go.

Bye!!

Hello Again!

Hey there, it seems like a while since I've blogged!!

Last weekend I went on a ski trip with my youth group. It was really fun. Well, mostly fun! On the last day one of my friends and I went on a triple black run without meaing to! That was NOT fun! I took my skis off at one point and carried them and my poles as I walked. NOT a good idea! My foot got so stuck that my friend had to come help me dig it out!

I can't really think of anything else I've been doing lately except school! I'm finished science and ALMOST finished math.

I listened to a program on the inaugaration (correct spelling?!) on CKNW(correct again lol!?) It almost made me want to cry just thinking about how, just 40 years ago, a black man couldn't even drink from the same water fontaine as a white man and today a black man is the president of the United States!!!

Oh, we had theatre on Friday. I don't even know why I'm writing about it because nothing exciting happend. I felt like crying during the whole class. I know that sounds stupid but I've felt like that basically every friday. I know why..I think..but I'm not going to say on here.

Ok...well I'd better go!!!

See ya later!

Rain, School, Rain

Hey! Its raining here and it has been for the past couple of days. I'm afraid all the lovely snow will be gone soon :(. Although it was fun in the snow I am looking forward to when it gets back to normal again. I usually get tired of the snow after its been here a couple of weeks.

Well, right now I'm in a mad rush to get all my schoolwork done for Semester 1 and start fun-fun Semester 2 (English & Socials!). While I'm super excited about getting rid of these gruesome subjects (science & math lol) I'm NOT looking forward to doing my tests.

Yesterday I got a book called When I grow up, I want to be a Writer. Its a really good book! Btw I want to be a writer so its PERFECT for me. Especially since I've been having a major writing-block lately.

Well I'd better get back to things.

Bye!!

Marley & Me!!

I went to see Marley & Me today. It is an AWESOME movie! If you haven't seen it yet - SEE IT!! Be prepared to cry or get a little teary-eyed at the end though. I never cry in movies but I did cry in this one. Watching it reminded me of a year and a half ago when we had to put my dog Stretchie down =(. Marley was also SO much like Stretch!

Beauty And The Beast was also awesome! I had never been to the Stanley before and it is a very nice theatre. We also had the best seats. I would definatly recomend going next year (I believe they do it every Christmas).

What else is new? More snow!!! When will it ever end?

I'm not too excited about going back to normal stuff on Monday =(

Talk to ya'll later!