Loving Life As It Is

So lately I've been playing a little game with myself. Often without knowing it and always without wanting to. The fact is though, that recently, my favorite game has been the Comparasim Game.

I just realized this yesterday but I've been doing it for a while. Its hard to explain exactly. Well, I haven't really been content with life lately. I'm always thinking about last year and everything I did that was fun then. I haven't been realizing how great this year really is.

I haven't really been happy with theatre this year either, even though I got the part I wanted. Without meaning to, or wanting to, I've been comparing this year to last year and I always come to the conclusion that last year was better.

I've also been comparing myself to others a lot. I have always done this but lately its gotten a bit out of hand. I am double cast as Cogsworth and I've been comparing my performance as the part to the other Cogsworth's. Especially in the solo part in Human Again.

All this has gotten me really annoyed with life I guess. I haven't been all that happy. I always want something other than what I have. Yesterday, I realized my problem. And I also realized that I have to fix my problem (which I have started doing). I need to love 2009 for what it is. I need to stop thinking about all the faults and failures I think this year will have or already has had. And most importantly, I need to stop longing for things that have passed and focus on whats going on right now. I need to remember that life is actually fine how it is, actually its great how it is!

Plus, every situation and person is differant. I can't fault a person, a year or anything for being differant from something or someone else. In fact, I realized that I'm very glad that everything is differant in some way!

Last but not least, thank you to Amanda for helping me realize this!!

Homework Hassles and Painfull Piano

Ok...soo today I had my piano exam. It was horrible. Well, as far as I'm concerned it was. Its not so much that it was a bad experience. Actually it was a pretty good experience. I just played badly! On one of my songs, I forgot it half way through and I asked to see my book. He was like "Well you can but you will loose marks." Well, I knew that!! But I chose not to since I had already lost quite a few marks.

Oh and the homework hassles. Um well I THOUGHT I'd finished everything last monday. But today my math teacher phoned and said she still needed a few more assignments. Well it was just a matter of faxing the stuff but then we went through some math things on the phone and..um..well I broke out in tears. Yeah, great I know. lol. Well anyway, at least that is over!

Today I realized (again!) one of the problems I have. I hate admitting troubles I have to people such as teachers, parents and friends. Like if someone asks me if I'm alright I will always say "Yes I'm fine." even if I'm actually not. Today when I was crying (and trying to hide that) I just kept saying "Its ok. We can go on." My teacher was really nice though and let me cry :)

I'm not looking forward to tomorrow (full day of theatre). I have to stay later. sigh. at least I think this is the last extra practice for me (according to the schedule). I'm also NOT looking forward to doing "Human Again."

Its funny though. I used to LOVE extra practices. In fact, ever since I started theatre 7 years ago I've wanted to stay later. I thought it would be so much fun and I thought that if you stayed late you were "cool." Well, when I was in Fiddler I stayed for my first extra practice and it wasn't nearly as fun, or cool as I thought it would be!!

But maybe it will be fun. I don't know. I really shouldn't be complaining. Oh well, at least my piano exam is done and so is Semester 1. Now, on to Semester 2!! Yeah!! Ok, better go.

Bye!!