Journal Magic

Wow, aren't journals amazing? Ok, maybe they are just a book with blank pages in it. Pherhaps they are a little 'old fashioned.' And yes, I have to agree that they do not compare to a laptop computer but I'm so glad for journals.

Yesterday, I was reading one of my old journals and it was so cool. No, I'm not an amazing writer or anything, and my journal would probably be quite boring to anyone else but reading it made me feel like I was there. I could see everything the way it was, well almost. It made me remember almost exactly how I felt. Even though the entries aren't always very descriptive, somehow it helps me to remember things almost exactly. It was sort of like I was living in that moment again.

Its also nice because a lot of that stuff I would of forgotten if I hadn't written it down. It actually surprised me how much I had forgotten from only just a few months or a year ago. A few things in particular I really forgot and I think they are so important.

Journal writing also helps me when I am sad or mad about something. Some times I cannot tell someone how I feel by talking, other times I don't think they would understand or care. It helps me to control my anger too because I can tell my journal anything about someone and what they did that upset me. After writing it all down I usually feel better.

Plus, a journal is always there for a good laugh -- I can't believe some of the silly things I thought or did! I started my first journal when I was 9 (although I didn't really write on a regular basis until a few years ago). I recently found my first journal and laughed SO hard! I made everything REALLY dramatic. You would think I was going through some kind of crisis or something, when really I think I was just mad because I didn't get the part I wanted in theatre!!!

Of course, I would hate it if anyone read my journals for all of these reasons why I love them!!!

Why Am I Who I Am?

Its a question I ask myself a lot...somtimes I wish I could be somebody else or just have differant personality and talents. I often wonder why God created me in the first place. I know thats silly, but I do. I'm just annoyed, hurt, and upset right now. Just one of those moments of wishing I was someone else.

Sometimes I just wish I was perfect...

Did everything right...

Knew everything I needed to know...

Didn't bump into things..

Always knew what to say...

Never lost my temper...

The fact is, I rarely do any of those things. I'm far from perfect, and whats worse, I constantly feel like other people are wishing I wasn't there or thinking I shouldn't be doing something because I'm not good enough.

I'm just upset right now I guess...last night at dance some so called friends started acting all snobby and mean. Today..well..thats a story I'm not going to share. Lets just say, I got REALLY upset but I couldn't cry because I wasn't at home so I started writing madly! Yeah that all sounds weird I know but its just how I'm feeling right now. I really don't know how to describe it...but I really just wish that for once when I decide to do my best at something that it actually shows.